The forming of the narcissistic personality according to analytical developmental psychology.
Narcissism is said to form as a result of a deep wound to the real self. Although narcissism is said to be about extreme self-love the narcissist’s true self is deeply buried due to early injury; and the true self replaced with a highly developed false self.
Narcissistic wounding or injury happens when the individual is required to be different from what he/she actually is and instead is required to be what the caregiver needs them to be. The child then develops into the required character in order to be accepted and loved.
The ego invests in the compensatory false self and becomes highly defensive of any criticism of it.
Often the most narcissistic personality has experienced a lack of a “holding” and nurturing environment during the essential developmental stages. At about fifteen to twenty-four months he/she begins exploring separation from the caregiver; and then returning for reassurance. This is called “Repprochement” It is often found that during this phase the needs of the child are not met. During the child’s attempt to establish the “self” they might be met with parental idealisation and/or humiliation. During this period the child begins to fully appreciate and emotionally deal with his separateness from the caregiver; whilst also trying to integrate his/her “personal magnificence” with the vulnerability of separation.
If the child’s caregivers are able to accept and nurture both sides, i.e. the emerging self and also the dependant baby, then the “realness” of the child’s experience is reinforced. In this case the individual can be as magnificent and also as weak and vulnerable as he/she was born to be. However, when the emerging person is criticised as too energetic, too lazy, too independent, too dependent, too loud, too quiet… etc. etc… then the individual cannot easily realise the self. This is the essence of the “Narcissistic injury”.
The attempt to become “who I need you to be” is the false self and the resulting narcissism is born from (1) being who he/she is needed to be rather than being who that person actually is, and (2) The interference of an important period of development when the child needs supportive mirroring. The narcissistic person will then mirror his/her environment by rejecting in his/herself what was rejected by others, and going to extreme lengths to hide what was rejected. Also, working hard to compensate for it. It is also likely that the narcissist will shun or get angered by people who display the behaviours which he/she has rejected in his/herself.
In such a situation trying to achieve successful therapy requires a rediscovery, expression and acceptance of the real self. Analytical developmental psychologists speak of using understanding, respect, mirroring, echoing, and love, in order to try to bring this about; whereas the Humanistic perspective Carl Roger’s advocated utilizes these concepts in Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR), love and acceptance – not dependant on any particular behaviour. The therapist therefore allows the client to experience a form of reparenting to assist the “inner child” to define and emerge as a separate and true self.